Being Out as Enby at Intel
A story I have hesitated to share publicly
When I came out at non-binary, or enby, in September of 2021, I was largely received by my Intel colleagues with a lot of love, care, and support. At the time, I felt fortunate that I was working in Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion as I suspect initial reactions would have been much different if I were still in a technical group.
Sadly, this did not prove to be the case over time…
I spent the next year being constantly misgendered by my colleagues, slowly losing trust, and distancing myself from them while also doing my best to advocate for myself and other enby folx at Intel. It took me a long time to realize how big of a toll it was taking on me- I felt stuck on how to seek support within Intel because going to our LGBTQ+ employee resource group felt like outing my organization that oversees, funds, and supports them…
In my job role as an inclusion program manager, I was giving presentations about pronouns, being asked to help people 1:1 with pronoun usage/understanding and helping to move forward an initiative to get pronouns on our badges, though thankfully my cis colleague took the lead on that project after I said I couldn’t. I learned a lot about boundaries and about what it must feel like for people of color and people with disabilities to constantly be asked to share their “diverse experiences.”
There were a few people who did get it, who I saw catching themselves, correcting themselves, and apologizing for the missteps, and for those folx, I am extremely grateful.
Intel Pride at Home in May 2020
Intel Pride at Home in May 2020
What I learned through this experience:
Self-awareness is KEY to shifting your actions
Self-awareness, which is often built through mindfulness practices, is KEY to shifting your actions- most of my colleagues couldn’t even hear themselves saying “she” until someone literally repeated back their sentence to them.
Is this something I could learn/research on my own and not burden this person?
When interacting with folx different from you and seeking to learn about their experiences, make sure to ask yourself first- is this something I could learn/research on my own and not burden this person? Do I already have a trusted relationship with them? If so, how am I checking in to see if they have capacity/energy/interest in talking to me about this topic?
My deepest hope is we are each able to see ourselves, own our actions, and shift our behaviors to create a world in which everyone is fully accepted for who they are- we can’t do this alone- we need to support each other in this necessary work.
#nonbinary #enby #outintech #LGBTQIA+ #inclusion #selfawareness #honoringdifference #authenticity #doingthework
